As some of you may or may not know, I just turned 30 yesterday which means this past weekend was my last chance to do something crazily stupid, like lighting trash cans on fire, getting so drunk I piss myself, or taking a massive post bean burrito shit on someone else’s lawn and being able to blame it all on “being young and naive since I’m in my twenties”. I did none of that this weekend (unfortunately) but I’ll tell you what I did do, reflect on the last decade of my life in the most objective way possible. It’s only natural to look at your youth with nostalgia since these were years that you will never get back, however among all of the greatness that you want to think you had there’s a big heaping pile of shitty moments; you were just too much of an immature naive asshat to realize how shitty they really were. Although I don’t believe in having regrets, there are a few words of advice I would give my impressionable 20 year old self and cross my fingers that “younger me” would actually listen and not assume that the dude who just traveled through time (hopefully in a DeLorean!) to give him this list was obviously some whack job who is high on shrooms and PCP. With that being said, here are 5 things I would go back and tell myself 10 years ago:

1. Learn to let go of people who are bad for you: When I was 20, I thought I had it all figured out and was grabbing the world by it’s sweaty balls. One of the things I struggled with was having the ability to be more selective when it came to the people around me. I would purposely stay in relationships that we were constantly lying, cheating, overall hurting each other in every imaginable way but somehow managed to stick together because “our relationship was the most important thing on the planet and we knew we were meant to be together” (or so we made ourselves believe). I would surround myself with “friends” (mostly drinking buddies which I’ll discuss next) that would get plastered every single night and neglect every other part of their lives because it made me feel cool and rebellious. As you get older, you learn to be more objective and less emotional about every single aspect of your life. You’re more careful about who you trust with both your friendship and you’re heart. If I could go back, I would tell my 20 year old self that if someone really loved or cared about you they wouldn’t constantly be looking for ways to hurt you. If someone truly cared about you, they wouldn’t drag you down with them to feel better about themselves. As the saying goes, “misery loves company”.
2. There is a big difference between a friend and a drinking buddy:  During my college years I was quite popular (or so I liked to think). I had a huge network of people I knew and/or knew me and we’d all go out constantly and drink and have what we thought were the greatest nights of our lives. While this was happening I never realized that all of these people were not really my friends, they were just drinking buddies. A friend is someone you can count on and cares about your well being. A friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night after a bad break up and know that they’ll listen to you and have your back. A friend is someone who will go out of their way to make sure you are fine and will even sacrifice their very own wellness for yours. A drinking buddy is someone you can only count on to go get hammered with you every Open Bar Wednesday. I neglected and lost many friendships because I was too busy spending all of my free time with my drinking buddies getting plastered and “living it up”. As soon as I left my college town, I have lost contact with all of my drinking buddies whereas the few true friends I was able to salvage are still very important people in my life. So twenty year old me, I say this, there’s nothing wrong wrong with your crew of drinking partners for those nights you want to wreak havoc BUT never lose sight of who your real friends are. Never put those who only care about you when you’re “fun” ahead of those who care about you unconditionally.
3. Protect your credit like your life depended on it: We’ve all been here right? That decadently sweet moment when you verify your checking account and see that the residual balance from your student loan was just deposited. Eagerly you withdraw as much as you can and hit up the town shopping, eating, drinking, splurging like a billionaire who gives less than zero fucks because you know you’ll never run out of money, right? Or how about that time you were convinced to apply for that credit card that you really shouldn’t get but it sounded like a good idea since you were a broke ass student who could use a little extra mullah on the side? “Besides, it’s free money so who the fuck cares!” Wrong! Wrong! One thing I never thought about when I was younger was that one day I’d be repaying my debts (student loans, credit cards, bills, etc.). The days of actually having to pay them back seemed so far away that it felt like a speck in the cosmos and even if it were tomorrow I didn’t care back then. I spent the last 4 years repairing damage done to my credit that could have been easily prevented if I would have been just a wee bit more responsible from the get go. So to twenty year old dipshit me, be mindful of what you can and can’t afford and ALWAYS read the fine print! There’s no such thing as free money and a short lived financial mistake can take years to repair.
4. Appreciate every second you spend with the ones you love: This has to be one of the greatest mistakes I made during my younger years and even though I don’t believe in having regrets I would give everything to be able to change this. When we’re young we take for granted the time we spend with everyone because we assume that everything will stay as it is and nothing will ever change. The harsh reality is that time keeps ticking and everyones lives are in a constant evolutionary state. The ones I neglected the most would be my family. I lost so many opportunities to spend time with them and be the role model older brother and great son I should have been. Instead I found excuses to not travel home for the weekends (I was a 3 hour drive from home) and not go on family vacations so I could drink and party and literally waste my time away. My mother passed away in 2007 and instead of getting my act together then and realizing all the time I had already lost I decided to nearly remove myself entirely from my family’s life. Due to this I have shoddy relationships with my siblings and “courteous at best” contact with my dad. There will come a day where everyone you love will not be able to be under the same roof at the same time.  So please twenty year old me, I beg you, don’t wait until it’s too late to take advantage and appreciate every second you spend or could’ve spent with someone you love because in the blink of an eye you can lose that someone forever.
5. Don’t choose your actions based on what others do: This is something that I learned really late in my twenties and in many ways am still learning. I had, for the longest time, revolved the things I did and didn’t do around what everyone else did. “Since friend X didn’t call me for my birthday, I won’t be calling him/her.” “Person Y asked me for a favor but since they told me no the last time I asked them for something, they can suck it!” Don’t decide how you live your life or do the things you do based on what others did or are doing. Be your own person and decide for yourself using your own logic and intelligence what is best for you. Just because someone else did it does not necessarily mean it was the right thing to do. Remember this twenty year old me, when you make choices based on what everyone else does you are losing who you are and becoming someone else. Never justify your actions using what others do or have done as an excuse. You are solely responsible for your actions so be sure to always do things for you and not thinking of what others did or will do.

   To Be Continued…

   Written by: Del Rivers